Diapers, Formula & Terrible Twos

I remember being pregnant with my first born in 1995. I was a naïve, know it all 18 year old with the personality of chicken little. If anyone said anything to me, not only must it be true---it could’ve been the end of the world as I knew it. There were several things I kept hearing repetitively.

1. The cost of diapers & formula was going to deplete my savings. (At 18, I think I had a whopping $2.38 in there anyway.)
2. Selecting which diapers and formula to use was going make me insane.
3. The terrible twos would ultimately be the death of me.

How could all of these seemingly pleasant women be so jaded by motherhood? What happened to them to make them not appreciate their rambunctious, disagreeable, perpetually crying children? (That’s how I saw them at 18. Remember before you had kids? Your kids were not going to do ANY of that stuff?) Fast forward 15 years later. I think I have come to the conclusion that those women didn’t have teenagers. They must have been directly in the middle of the toddler whirlwind and had not a clue of what was to come.

I have 3 kids. B is in High School, K is in Middle and Zippy is in Elementary. Talk about perspective. I remember thinking that removing an entire tube of Desitin from the carpet was the most difficult thing I’d ever have to do. Now, I have B asking if he can ride in a car with a 16 year old. (I’m grateful that he understands when I tell him “No”, but I’m aware that a “Yes” is not too far in the future.) He tells me how many times he has been offered drugs and that he has declined every time. (I am also grateful that he willingly agrees to be randomly drug tested. Not that it matters. I would do it anyway.) My middle school child, K, shares a plethora of information about the activities of kids her age. (It’s hard to hear some of it, but I would rather be in the know. I don’t want to be the parent that’s in a bubble thinking their kid would never do such a thing.) The closer it gets to the weekend, the more they love me. I get the hugs, compliments and last minute attempts at chores so they can withdraw money from the mother of all ATM’s. They turn the charm on pretty heavy. "Mom, what did you do to your hair to make it look sooooooo amazing?" "Have you lost more weight since last weigh in? You are looking skin-nay!" Sadly, it works. Football games, skating, clothes, money for food, money to shop. If you survived the cost of diapers, the field trips alone will give you a heart attack. It used to be a $12 afternoon trip to an IMAX 3D movie. Now it’s $70 for a full day of Epcot or Sea World. (And that doesn’t include a $20 light saber that they can taunt their younger sibling with and constantly remind them that their field trips are lame.)

I had friends, family and complete strangers sharing garbage bags full of baby & toddler clothes, leftover diapers that were too small and toys that were no longer played with. No one is sending me bags full of Abercrombie Jeans, Hollister shirts and a deposit on a $400 class ring. (Some of you will interpret that as my expectation. Not so. It’s just a comparison of the different times in life.)

Don’t mistake this for complaining. This is more of a realization. It's also to share information with people that are just starting out. (I don't know if they'll listen. I'm not sure I would have listened. But at least you can't say that no one ever told you.) There are many good things that come out of having a teenager. In fact, I prefer this part of motherhood more than I did the younger years. (And it wasn’t because of diapers and formula. The Desitin incident---maybe.) These are the years where I feel our relationship is more of a choice on their part. And to have them still wanting to associate with me is a tremendous win. I can instantly see whether or not everything we tried to instill in them actually sank in. I am watching these former little people grow into early adults. Like it or not, once they hit High School, your job is almost done. Sure, you still need to supervise and keep things in line. But, this is the time that they start putting what you taught them into practice. This is the time you start doing more listening than talking. You also start perfecting your skills as a private detective.

Regardless of what age your kids are, enjoy it. It sounds cliché, but it’s true. Each phase brings new problems. Don’t stress about the house being dirty. Don’t fret over the stain on the new outfit. Let the toy stay buried at the bottom of the toy box even though it has a perfect spot on the shelf. This is the time to be building that foundation and giving your kids what they need to thrive and succeed later---when they won’t listen to you. But, if you’ve done your job, they’ll still hear you. You'll be that voice talking to them.

Whether you are in the diapers & formula phase, or the drivers license & dating phase, you’ll get through it. It's not easy. You only get one chance though. And it truly is as much of a learning experience for you as it is for them.

That's just how I see it. But maybe it's my misperception.