Motherhood THE MUSICAL
by Ellie Hirsch for Tampa Bay Parenting

I sat down in the Jaeb Theater along with my girlfriends (whom are all mothers) with drinks in hand and cell phones on vibrate. We were ready to laugh and enjoy our kidless night out. Luckily, motherhood THE MUSICAL, written by Sue Fabisch, was everything we expected it to be…funny, entertaining, relevant and witty. The show centers around Amy, played by Juliana Black, a naïve first time pregnant mother who is excited about her future adventure with her soon to be born baby. Her friends, Tasha, Barb and Brooke, bring her back to reality and tell us the truth about motherhood from their different perspectives and life experiences.

Each woman represents a different type of mother, which makes the show very relatable to the audience. Tasha, played by Jayne Trinette, plays the divorced mother, dealing with sharing her children with her recent ex-husband. Her voice is truly amazing and my friends and I said she reminded us of Sherri Shepherd from The View. Tasha delivered her lines with oomph and gusto, and her expressions left us laughing out loud. The audience thanked her with a standing ovation and we all agreed she had done her job that night. Barb, played by Angela Bond, is a stay at home mother who is not shy about sharing how her kids drive her nuts and how motherhood has made her bitter. In the end, we find out that Barb really does love her children and cannot imagine doing anything else. Brooke, played by Becca McCoy is a hard working mother who juggles her job, her children and sex with her husband. She is a refreshing and realistic character whom the audience bonded with and related to very well. Juliana Black brings a fresh glow to her character, Amy, who like most of us moms, cannot wait to finally meet the little person living inside of us for nine months. Juliana truly shined in her dual role as the nosy, medaling mother of her younger self.

I discovered that there is a little bit of myself in Amy, Barb, Brooke and Tasha, similar to how I feel about the gals of Sex and the City. Sue Fabisch chose smart characters that every woman in the audience could relate to and share similar memories with. The musical performances left me laughing out loud and wondering if the songs were about my personal experiences as a mother. From boobs to sex to controlling bodily functions, the writing is hilarious and the cast delivered a wonderful performance. The characters didn’t spend too much time bashing the husbands but just enough to let us women in the audience know that while we love ‘em, sometimes they are like additional children. The show is the perfect length, the set is simple and not distracting, and the writing, while a bit predictable, is extremely clever. motherhood THE MUSICAL is the perfect girls’ night out and I recommend it for all moms who are looking to unwind and share some laughs. This show reminds us that we are never alone in this crazy world of motherhood and no matter how difficult, embarrassing or challenging we find parenting to be, someone else is experiencing it as well.

Motherhood the Musical, runs through July 10th at the Jaeb Theater at the Straz Center.  www.strazcenter.org

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Ellie Hirsch enjoys raising her two little boys and strives to master motherhood every day. Head to http://www.mommymasters.blogspot.com for great articles and monthly parentings tips, and check out http://www.facebook.com/mommymasters to participate in fun discussions, ask for parenting advice and read updates on Ellie’s children’s music, coming soon.

Married to MacGyver

When I was given the opportunity to take this blogging gig a little more public, the family had some rules. I can't use their real names and there were certain topics off limits. Understood. I came up with a nickname for hubs--and it's totally appropriate. I married MacGyver. We joke that he could take gum and a paperclip and fix anything. This story actually happened in 2008 but it's a good way to introduce MacGyver. (If you've followed my personal blog for the past year or 2, you'll remember this.)

Since April 1995, a service repair technician has never entered our residence. Since that time frame is essentially my entire adult life, I don't think I was always aware of the oddity of it. Things are always breaking. The car, the plumbing, appliances, a piece of jewelry. It's life. But, MacGyver inherited this gene from his father. It is called the "I'm not too proud to pay someone to fix it, but I am too proud to admit that I couldn't fix it" gene.

I remember wanting a new stove. And it FINALLY stopped working! I was doing the "I get to make a big purchase" dance. But there he stood.....stopping me. Calming me down with the "I've got this" look. After making a few phone calls, he said "Hon, it is just the heating element. Go pick one up." Sixteen measly dollars and a gold mine gene pool discarded my dreams of getting the new "boil water in 60 seconds" stove. So, there are drawbacks. But there is money saved. And then---then there are just plain old Jeff Foxworthy moments.

Friday night we smelled fire. We figured out it was coming from the dryer. (Seriously, I have wanted a new washer and dryer since seeing an episode of Extreme home makeover...so my feet are starting to do the dance. Surely MacGyver can't repair it after a fire??!!) He spends some time with his BFF, Google, and finds out what is wrong with it. He then proceeds to inform me that he found the parts online for like $13. UGH! But, they won't be here until Wednesday. We have 3 kids and I'll be inundated with laundry if I wait 5 days. (I was being dramatic. Over selling it. Unfortunately, I can rarely get MacGyver to buy what I'm selling---especially when it comes to me getting a break on house work.) I tell him I need a dryer ASAP! We just can't wait. (At this point, I am still just hoping for the shopping approval.) He gives a blank stare......................still staring......................and BAM! He takes off. This is the moment even my feet start to sense the shopping dance should come to an end.

He is in the garage cutting one of those mini sized skate boards. I used to laugh at him, but not anymore. I learned long ago (probably 1998) that everything can be repaired. The dryer bearings went bad and the drum could no longer turn. It didn't have any support. HE PLACED THE FLIPPIN' SKATEBOARD UNDER THE DRUM TO SUPPORT IT!!!!! So, now, not only does it work, it supports a heavier load! LMAO I still want a new washer & dryer.

I can hear Jeff Foxworthy saying it now. "If yeeeeew have yer dryer rigged with a skateboard.......you miiiiiiiiiight be a redneck." Don't get me wrong. I completely adore MacGyver. But, momma would really like to go into Sears and actually buy the appliance. Not the wrench to fix the old one. I also know that we save enough money to make it worth it. And that's a good thing. Especially when we have to run out and replace the kids skateboards. ;)

That's just how I see it. But maybe it's my misperception.

For your entertainment, and for those that may think I just have a wild imagination, I am adding a picture of my new GE Profile Tony Hawk edition dryer. ;)

A Conversation Gone Bad

I never know where a question will lead or how bad it will end. And this conversation was no exception.

M: is me, Z: is Zippy.


Z: "When do you die?"
M: "When you get old." (Where is this going?)
Z: "How old? Old OLD or just old?"
M: "Really old." (Wanting this conversation to be over, but knowing it has just begun!)
Z: "Like when your skin looks like mine after playing in the bathtub for a long time?"
M: "Yes."
Z: "Am I going to die?"
M: (ARGH!) "Yes, a long, long, long time from now."
Z: "What if we have an accident in the car."
M: "I'm very careful."
Z: "Even while you are typing on the phone and driving?"
M: (Crap! I really have to stop doing that. I'm signing Oprah's No Phone Zone pledge.) "That's bad. Mommy won't do that anymore."
Z: "Good. Because if you do, we could die and our skin won't be old."
M: (Is this over yet?)
Z: "But wait. If everyone dies when they get old, I am the youngest one in the house. I am going to be here all alone." (He is now crying.)
M: (I hug him.) "You know how daddy and I are married and have kids? We have our own house and family. When gramma dies (Yes, I see the error now, thank you.) I wont be home alone. I am here with you. See. You will have your own family."
Z: "Gramma is going to die!? Oh nooooooooo!" (Sobbing uncontrollably)
M: "Sweetie, you don't have to worry about this. Nothing is going to happen."
Z: "Ok. But I don't want to die alone. I want to have a dog."
M: (What the ……..?) "Ok. Get a dog."
Z: "Ok, I will!" (He said this very calm and serious.)

Long pause. I can see the thought coming……………….and here it goes.

Z: "OH NOOOOOOO! (crying again.) "I wont have a car and I will be all alone and I don't know where PetCo is! I won't be able to get a dog!"
M: (I'm thinking…..knowing he loves French Toast Sticks.) Hey, I got French Toast at the store yesterday.
Z: "YOU DID? YAY!"


It's finally over! That wiped me out. I can have just about any conversation with any of the kids. But, conversations about death when they are young inevitably require me to emotionally scar my kid or lie. I opt for the lie. Maybe I do it more for myself. Either way, I was just glad french toast came to my rescue.

That's just how I see it. But maybe it's my misperception.

The baby of the family

I have been told for years that the "baby" of the family is the baby whether they are 6 months old or 18. In my experience, this meant that the baby got away with more than the other kids. I was pretty adamant early on that the baby of our family would be treated no differently. (Kind of just like I said that my 2 year old would not throw any temper tantrums & my teens won't ever roll their eyes.) When you have more than one child, you know how different they can be. Each personality has their own spark. My baby of the family, "Zippy", is 7. He is the smooth talking charmer with dimples. He is also my logical thinker. He can make me angry, laugh & cry at the same time.

He was in the backyard playing on the trampoline. It gets very dirty so I am always loudly explaining (True meaning: Yelling. Don't judge.) that he shouldn't wear his socks. I also loudly explain that he has to wash off before sitting on the furniture. (I am no cleaning fanatic, but this kid could make mud out of sand and water.) When I looked outside, I saw my new sweeper vacuum sitting in the dirt. Without hesitation, I begin yel---ahem, loudly explaining to him he can't bring that outside. He looks at me, tilts his head and gives me the 'I-know-you-are-mad-at-me-but-I-am-your-baby-and-I-make-you-angry-laugh-and-cry-at-the-same-time-and-you-love-how-adorable-I-am' smile. He says, in his best smooth talking, logical thinking voice "Well, you told me that the trampoline is always dirty so I get too dirty while playing on it. You clean the floor when it gets dirty, right? I thought that if I vacuumed the trampoline, it would stay clean and I would not have to take a bath. (Why is bath water like kryptonite to some kids? You'd think the bath tub was going to taser him.) And you would be happy that I cleaned something for you." Seriously? I would be thrilled if he would flush the toilet. I might spontaneously combust if he picked up the cheetos in between the couch cushions. I want to be mad. Very mad. But after all, he is my baby that makes me angry, laugh and cry all at the same time and I love how adorable he is. All of my toddlers had temper tantrums, my tween and teen roll their eyes, and my baby is the baby. So much for breaking cycles. ;)

But, when I compare a vacuum and a little dirt to the scenarios the middle schooler & high schooler bring to me, I realize I can relax. I've learned to choose my battles wisely. Everything is relative. And he was trying to help......sorta.

That's just how I see it. But maybe it's my misperception.